One of the greatest gifts has been my marriage. I think that part of it was that I chose wisely from the start. I was VERY picky and had a list of non-negotiables and God was gracious to me. But also, we work really hard to be intentional with our relationship. Nothing great flourishes on accident.
I’ve talked before about things we do to prioritize our marriage but I wanted to share something that we do on every anniversary that you might find helpful too.
Okay, I’ll share two things because the first thing we do is we actually celebrate. And most of the time we do at least a night away for just the two of us. I hear all the time from couples that they don’t celebrate or they haven’t had a weekend away with their spouse in years. I have no categories for that because it’s such a high value of ours. Even when our kids were babies, we left then with my parents and got away. There has only been one year we included our kids and that was last year because we were on vacation during our anniversary. But the rule is, kids are not allowed. Our anniversary is for us. There have been years when we couldn’t get away on our actual anniversary but we did a trip before or after it. It has been ,and always will be, a priority.
Second, we reminisce about all our past anniversary trips to see if we can remember them. This may or may not get harder every year but it’s just fun to take that walk down memory lane. Then Matt comes up with questions to discuss over dinner. He’s so great about asking good, thought provoking questions or finding them somewhere online. He is great at reflection and is always thinking about how we can stay healthy. He’s constantly asking “What do you need or what can I do better?” That my friends is not normal in our society. He is a servant of me and our family and It spurs me on to be a better partner too.
I’m not sure where he found these, but here are some of the questions we discussed at dinner this year:
1. How have we changed this year?
2. What obstacles have we gone through individually, and how has our relationship weathered them?
3. What hardships have happened in our relationship? Did we resolve them? Or are there things we need to work through?
4. What do I love about you or what turns me on after all these years? (I know, spicy right?!)
5. What do we want to accomplish individually this next year? And as a couple?
6. What three things do I appreciate about you?
So much happens in a year, especially if you have kids. It’s easy to just go through the motions. It’s easy to take one another for granted. It’s easy to just keep moving and avoid hard things or undervalue the importance of speaking life and encouragement to each other. It’s easy to make life a check list of to do’s instead of building a life that you love.
It takes time and intentionality with healthy rhythms. It’s one of the reasons that we make sure to get away and celebrate each year. It’s truly one of the highlights for me.
It’s not only good for us, it’s good for our kids to see us prioritizing and enjoying one another. And when we don’t enjoy one another, which can happen, it’s important that they see we are working through it until we do. One of my greatest hopes is to pass on the example of a healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage but a healthy one.
Regular time together, dates, intentional conversations and yearly get-aways help us thrive in the midst of our crazy and wonderful life.
What do you do that helps your marriage thrive? I’d love to hear!
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