Resist

There has been an overwhelming amount of things to resist this year. But with resisting we also have to choose something else. Usually something better, something harder, even more holy. 

Here is what that’s looked like for me personally…….

Resist hate. Choose love. Resist injustice. Choose justice for all. Resist racism. Choose diversity. Resist lies. Choose truth.Resist Christian Nationalism. Choose the way of Jesus. Resist corruption. Choose integrity. Resist turning away. Choose to see. 

Resist bigotry. Choose inclusion. Resist complacency. Choose advocacy.

Resist silence. Choose to speak up. Resit being comfortable. Choose courage. Resist cruelty. Choose compassion. Resist dehumanizing others. Choose to see their humanity. Resit evil. Choose good. Resist fascism. Choose democracy. Resist hopelessness. Choose hope. Resist quitting. Choose rest.

These are easy to say and much harder to actually live out. 

It’s easier to hate than to love. It’s easier to turn a blind eye than to see the pain and injustice. It’s easier to build a wall than a bigger table. It’s easier to see things only through your lens than the lens of someone who looks, acts, or lives differently than you do. It’s easier to stay in our silos than listen to others. It’s easier to stay silent and not rock the boat than to speak up, act courageously and do it without dehumanizing others. It’s easier to let your heart grow cold than stay soft and open to hurt. It’s hard to stay hopeful when each day is a new horror, a new setback, a new hate filled, corrupt news segment.  It’s easier to quit than to rest and keep going. 

It seems easier in the moment to choose the first option doesn’t it? But I guarantee in the long run it’s harder with much more detrimental, long lasting consequences, for you and the world. We must choose wisely.  

This act of resisting and choosing is NOT easy work.  It tests my faith in God and my faith in others daily. But I look around and I see millions of others resisting too. I read God’s Word and I see the way of Jesus and I know that he too was resting evil and choosing good and he said to go and do the same. 

So here I am, resisting and choosing each day. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. 

What are you resisting and choosing this year?

I wish that I didn’t feel this way but I do.  

As a highly empathetic person the constant state of violence in our country and around the world, the injustice so many face, the hatred and “us vs them” mentality is really hard for me. As a follower of Jesus, to see those in the primarily white evangelical spaces act in ways that seem counter to the ways of Jesus…clamoring for power and checking character at the door is heartbreaking. Perhaps we feel this way because that world is all we knew and trusted for so many years and a lot of what we were taught seems to be have been tossed aside. It’s hard to walk through as an adult and it’s challenging to parent well through it some days. 

We watched the documentary King in the Wilderness last night and although sobering was also a reminder to stand for things that truly matter. I can’t disregard the call from the Bible to exercise my faith by joining with God in bringing hope, healing and justice to the world with live in. The invitation is to stand up to injustice, work for equity and equality, fight for the poor and disenfranchised, choose love over fear and hate. Hate only brings more hate. I don’t want to become hateful like so many have become. 

So what do we do in the face of the anxiety, the hate, the injustice, the grief of watching a country you love dissolve into fascism and platform leaders who are violent, power hungry and corrupt? 

Here are some things that we’re going to spend time doing and focusing on: 

1. Find a faith community that is following Jesus and welcomes all. A community that serves the poor, fights for injustice, cares for one another, sees the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control) as a sign of a true believer and not weakness. 
2. Connect with friends consistently who we can be honest and vulnerable.
3. Find ways to serve our community. For us that’s through knowing our neighbors, being a part our neighborhood business association, volunteering in our kids school, volunteering with organizations that are serving the houseless in our city and giving to foster care ministries. 
4. Partner with organizations that are working for good in the world. For me personally I’m a part of Moms Demand Action, fighting to make change in our gun laws. As a mom, knowing that guns are the leading cause of death of our children is absolutely unacceptable and it doesn’t have to be this way. We also support other organizations that are working for racial justice.
5. Read and follow others (diverse voices) who are doing good work. 
6. Take care of ourselves physically because that impacts our mental health as well. 
7. Get outside 
8. Create healthy boundaries around what we consume and who allow in our lives to consumer our time and energy. Having deep relationships with those who aren’t safe or choose things that are not in line with your values is probably not going to serve you well. 
9. Choose things that bring joy. Do activities that we love. Keep laughing in spite of the heaviness.
10. Give grace and space on the really hard days. 

It’s going to take a lot of work on my part to stay grounded, be present and fill my heart, mind and days with things that bring light and joy. It will be a year of active resistance to hopelessness and a pursuit of defiant joy. 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “But, I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars.” 

We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But I want to be one of those in the world bringing light in the darkness. I want to be one who fights for hope in the face of setbacks and heartaches. I want to be the kind of person who continues to love well, who pursues peace and justice, who stands up for those who are suffering and marginalized. I will keep teaching my kids that power can corrupt and character absolutely matters.  I know we’ll do it imperfectly, with a lot of cussing (on my part) and keep doing the next right thing as best as I know how. 

And then today I read the quote by Meredith Miller “Compliance is not a fruit of the Spirit.” Which just reaffirmed the quote I heard last week.

Growing up and working in the evangelical space for a long time I learned that compliance is what “Good Christians” do. You follow what the leader and God says and don’t really question it. We were taught to teach our kids to have first time obedience. I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Delayed obedience is disobedience.” And I get it, there are times to keep our kids safe when they need to obey immediately, like running into traffic. But for the most part to teach our kids to never question a leader or to be curious as to the WHY behind what we do, is doing them a huge disservice. It’s also indoctrination, setting them up for potential abuse at worst and terrible boundaries at best. It’s also not what a healthy faith journey with Jesus is really like.

Jesus asks so many questions in scripture. He is constantly modeling for us to be critical thinkers yet somehow some segments of the church has communicated (even if subtlety) that you check your brain and the stirring of the Spirit at the door and just fall in line. (An important thing to mention is that the Spirit IS at work in you, not just your pastor if you follow Jesus. Being spirit filled and led wasn’t just for a select few.)

Just because we fall in line to a certain set of rules doesn’t make us faithful and it doesn’t mean it’s Spirit led.

Compliance and conformity are not the mark of a fruitful or faithful life.

So as I’ve contemplated this quote and the idea of compliance in the past week here’s what I want to be true for me and for my kids:

• I want to think critically about what I’m taught and take it back to see if it lines up with what Jesus modeled.

• I want to wrestle honestly with hard things and still stay committed to Jesus, not a church, not a set of rules, not a denomination and not a political party.

• I want to be faithful to the person of Jesus because of his love for me, not just compliant because of fear or man made rules.

At the end of the day it can be so much easier to just fall in line. It can be risky to rock the boat. It can seem easier to not do the thing you know you should do or that Jesus is asking you to do because others may not understand. But compliance for compliance sake doesn’t provide the life of peace, joy, goodness or thriving I long for.

Friends, if you’ve lived a life of compliance thinking it was faithfulness, there is real freedom in realizing the difference. But it’s not always easy to break out of the compliance mold. For a real people pleaser it can be so uncomfortable and even end relationships. But I guess I’ve come to the place in my life where I’d rather be uncomfortable than be compliant for the sake of fitting in. I want the true freedom and faithfulness that comes with following Jesus. He calls us with love and an invitation to draw near and do good work in this world even when it’s messy, we get it wrong and don’t have all the answers.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and have people say, “She was so compliant.” I hope people say I was kind, resilient, loved and served my community well, was a great mom and friend, was an advocate and ally for justice, was sassy and fierce, was intentional and faithful. Compliance is not on the list.

I struggle daily with all these things. Being in relationship with people who think and act differently than me is really difficult. I struggle with the differing value systems that seem too hard to overcome. And yet, somehow we must. I have to keep going back to God to give me the strength to see people as beloved, like He does.

It’s. So. Hard.

Let me give some context to why this is so hard for me personally. For most of my life I was raised in the white evangelical church and then went on to go into vocational ministry with a large evangelical para-church organization. I did that for 16 years. I was raised to believe that if you were a Christian you voted Republican and that was that.

So imagine my surprise when I moved to Portland, OR and found that some of the most generous and kind people were the non-church going Democrats. They were the ones serving the poor and marginalized, caring for the environment and loving their neighbor. It wasn’t necessarily Christians at all. And then I met people in the church who loved Jesus and voted Democrat. Then I became aware of the African-American church that historically leans Democrat. Categories blown.

It made me stop and rethink my theology on politics and what God’s word actually said. Turns out, I was trained culturally to believe certain things that weren’t so so clear biblically. So now, watching the white evangelical church align themselves (75% in 2020) with a man who is unkind, mocks others, demonizes immigrants, abuses and rapes women, lies, cheats and is a convicted felon yet is still supported and able to be a candidate for President is horrifying to me.

I was raised to believe that character matters. Caring for the poor, the marginalized, and the oppressed matters. Caring for a child after they are born matters. God is for ALL people, not just America. So when those things have been abandoned by parts of the church, for the for the sake of gaining political power, on a good day it’s disheartening and on a bad day I’m down right disgusted.

Fun fact, Jesus isn’t a Republican or a Democrat, he’s not white and he has no desire for earthly power.

My relearning many things has made my faith and relationships feel messy. It’s made politics feel messy. It’s made Church messy. And yet, I know that I’m supposed to care about these things because God cares about these things.

We have to let our theology inform our politics, not our politics inform our theology. (Although, if our theology is harmful or distorted, so are our politics.)

The next four months are going to feel long and painful before the election. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, God is with us in it. I want to be led by my faith and values and I want to remember that others are beloved, even when I see so much hatred and rhetoric.

I wanted to pass on some books and resources that I’ve read/listened to and will be referring back to to help me through the next few months.

• Loving Disagreement— Fighting for Community Through the Life of the Spirit by Matt Mikalatos and Kathy Khang
• Politics for People Who Hate Politics: How to Engage without Losing Your Friends or Selling Your Soul by Denise Gitsham. This book was spurred on by a conversation with me and my angst and dysfunction on this topic. You’re welcome world. It’s full of lots of Scripture if that’s what you’re looking for.
• The Ballot and the Bible: How Scripture Has Been Used and Abused in American Politics and Where We Go from Here by Kaitlyn Schiess
• The Liturgy of Politics: Spiritual Formation for the Sake of Our Neighbor by Kaitlyn Schiess
• The After Party: Toward Better Christian Politics by Curtis Change and Nancy French. There is also a small group study you can do that is awesome and has videos and a guide to follow on their website.

A couple books to help you understand how we got to where we are in the church as far as the Evangelical church goes are:

• Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation by Kristin Kobes Du Mez. I had so many aha moments in this. Also felt VERY discouraged and convicted on my own role as someone who had been in full-time ministry in this space for a long time. Remaining complicit was no longer an option for me.
• The Kingdom the Power, and the Glory—American Evangelicals in an age of extremism by Tim Alberta

A great documentary:

• God and Country

A couple podcasts that I listen to every week and find helpful are:

• The Holy Post
• Pantsuit Politics

IG accounts I love to follow are:  

• Sharonsaysso—politically unbiased
• Rich Villodas—pastor and writer
• Jemar Tisby— Author, historian and professor
• Benjamin Cremer. He’s a pastor and has a great newsletter that has fantastic teaching on current topics, what Scripture has to say about it and lots of links with other resources on the topics.

Here’s the thing though, we can have all the resources we need but if we aren’t also taking care of our own mental and spiritual health in the next four months it’s going to be harder to navigate without overwhelming anxiety and angst.

As I think about not just surviving this season, but walking through it with some form of health, I’ll be reminding myself to:

• take social media and media breaks
• use the unfollow or snooze button on social media if needed
• go for walks
• pray
• stay grounded in my own relationship with God, and avoid those who only speak and motivate with fear and fuel violence
• keep following helpful sources
• don’t demonize others
• be a part of the solution.

I firmly believe that we are here to steward our lives well. We are here to bring Jesus’s kingdom to the place we live and that means taking action to love our neighbor in word and deed. We can be a part of the change in our communities and we can vote. We don’t have to sit back idly and complain, we can be the hands and feet of Jesus while we keep a kingdom perspective in a fallen world. I long for a world that loves well, doesn’t force beliefs on others, cares for the poor and marginalized, values all people, and fights for systematic and racial justice.

What are you doing in the next 4 months to stay sane? Are there book, resources or people you follow that you find helpful? 

I’ve talked before about things we do to prioritize our marriage but I wanted to share something that we do on every anniversary that you might find helpful too.

Okay, I’ll share two things because the first thing we do is we actually celebrate. And most of the time we do at least a night away for just the two of us. I hear all the time from couples that they don’t celebrate or they haven’t had a weekend away with their spouse in years. I have no categories for that because it’s such a high value of ours. Even when our kids were babies, we left then with my parents and got away. There has only been one year we included our kids and that was last year because we were on vacation during our anniversary. But the rule is, kids are not allowed. Our anniversary is for us. There have been years when we couldn’t get away on our actual anniversary but we did a trip before or after it. It has been ,and always will be, a priority.

Second, we reminisce about all our past anniversary trips to see if we can remember them. This may or may not get harder every year but it’s just fun to take that walk down memory lane. Then Matt comes up with questions to discuss over dinner. He’s so great about asking good, thought provoking questions or finding them somewhere online. He is great at reflection and is always thinking about how we can stay healthy. He’s constantly asking “What do you need or what can I do better?” That my friends is not normal in our society. He is a servant of me and our family and It spurs me on to be a better partner too.

I’m not sure where he found these, but here are some of the questions we discussed at dinner this year:

1. How have we changed this year?
2. What obstacles have we gone through individually, and how has our relationship weathered them?
3. What hardships have happened in our relationship? Did we resolve them? Or are there things we need to work through?
4. What do I love about you or what turns me on after all these years? (I know, spicy right?!)
5. What do we want to accomplish individually this next year? And as a couple?
6. What three things do I appreciate about you?

So much happens in a year, especially if you have kids. It’s easy to just go through the motions. It’s easy to take one another for granted. It’s easy to just keep moving and avoid hard things or undervalue the importance of speaking life and encouragement to each other. It’s easy to make life a check list of to do’s instead of building a life that you love.

It takes time and intentionality with healthy rhythms. It’s one of the reasons that we make sure to get away and celebrate each year. It’s truly one of the highlights for me.

It’s not only good for us, it’s good for our kids to see us prioritizing and enjoying one another. And when we don’t enjoy one another, which can happen, it’s important that they see we are working through it until we do. One of my greatest hopes is to pass on the example of a healthy marriage. Not a perfect marriage but a healthy one.

Regular time together, dates, intentional conversations and yearly get-aways help us thrive in the midst of our crazy and wonderful life.

What do you do that helps your marriage thrive? I’d love to hear! 

In the end, our daughter got into her top academic choice with the most amazing and shocking financial aid package. We’ve cried many tears of relief and gratitude in the last couple months.

Walking through this process as a kid is a wild ride. Walking through this as a parent is also a wild ride. We were trying to coach our daughter through the process all the while coaching our own selves through it. As parents with the oldest so much of what we’re doing is a steep learning curve. The kids that follow get a more experienced and wiser parent I think. Sorry first born, these are the breaks.

Matt was the point person for this whole process. He was a total rockstar and advocate for our daughter. He is absolutely the reason that she is where she is today and why she’s heading to her top school of choice.

One of the really sweet parts of this process was that we got to take trips together to visit campuses and cities we hadn’t been to. We got to know more about our daughter as she thought through what she wanted for college and her future. We processed through finances and making big life decisions with her while allowing her to also lead the way. We were able to acknowledge that there is a faith element to this and that we can trust God in the process.

I asked Matt to put a list of things together for you so that you can thrive (as much as possible) through this stressful process.

Here are Matt’s top tips for the college application process:

• Apply early action to any school on your list that offers it. This was helpful in getting these applications done early in her senior year and she received acceptance notifications earlier (although we had to wait for financial aid).
• Make sure you have a safety and financially feasible school on your list that you can live with and get excited about. For us this was Oregon State Honors College, which would have been a great option for her. This eased some stress for everyone. 
• Visit a lot of schools if you don’t know what you want. Ou kid had no idea what type of school she was interested in. We tried to make it fun along the way and by the time we were done she knew what she DIDN’T want. 
• If finances are important then make sure your school list includes schools that either offered significant merit for a kid with her stats or solid need-based aid that might make it feasible if she magically beat the admissions odds. I used the College Data app religiously for financial aid statistics.
• It’s a ton of work for the kid. A TON! She applied to 10 schools and that was almost too much. In some ways it really taints the senior year as the whole process takes so much energy. There are so many additional essays for honors programs and institutional scholarships beyond the standard application. Apply for the amount of schools your kid (and you) can handle.
• Prepare all your financial documents (tax returns, medical expenses, rental information, etc.). Each school was a little bit different with the financial documents they required and it was a lot of work to stay on top of it.
• Remember that college admissions at competitive schools is like playing a slot machine. Some times you don’t win because there are too many qualified applicants. The book “Who Gets in and Why” was VERY helpful to calm the whole family down.
• Watch out for schools that don’t stack outside scholarships on your institutional aid. This was news to us and honestly fairly frustrating. We had our daughter stop spending any time filling out outside scholarships and just focus on school and enjoying the last few months of her senior year. 

So here we are, only 5 weeks from dropping our daughter, our first child off at college. The grueling process of getting in is over but the next part of the journey begins for all of us. There will be much processing and grieving/celebrating what is to come. Launching your kids Into the world is both exciting and terrifying. So much changes from here. Here’s to the next part of our faith and parenting journey. Stay tuned for lessons from the next part of this adventure.

This has been true in our ministry, businesses, infertility, adoption, our daughters scoliosis journey and now the college application process.

I know the college application process looks different with each child, and it should, each kid is different. Sometimes it’s simple and straight forward and sometimes it’s very complex. We’re in the complex department over here.

So, here we are, still in the midst of waiting for 5 school decisions, each week getting emails about applying for new scholarships or being a finalist in one thing or another and the government STILL does not have the FAFSA to the universities. It’s been stressful, a TON of work, tested patience, already had disappointments and it’s not over yet. Are these first world problems? Yes. Are they still stressful? Yes.

I have said on more than one occasion with a fist in the air, “You better have a good plan here God.”

Here are some things I am reminding myself and my daughter of in this newest “growth opportunity” :

• Taking some deep breaths or going for a walk is helpful. Seriously.
• God has provided for us this far and I don’t think He’ll stop now.
• This is preparing me for something in the future.
• Success or failure doesn’t determine your value.
• God wastes nothing, even the frustrating things.
• Who I am becoming in this process matters most.
• I am not alone in this.
• It’s always better to be in the arena trying and failing than sitting back and doing nothing at all.
• Keep doing your next right thing.

Any other parents out there in the college application process with their kids? How are you doing? What mantras do you have on repeat?

“The #1 indicator of success in relationships is turning towards one another instead of away. 

Of course, it’s impossible to always turn toward your partner. But in our lab study, the couples who stayed together for at least six years turned toward each other 86% of the time. Those who got divorced only did it 33% of the time.”

Matt and I have been happily married for almost 23 years now so I think we’re doing something right but we are VERY intentional and always looking for ways to love each other better. 

I think this article stood out to me because in our stage of life with being business owners and parents, it can be really easy to not turn towards each other. I am really good at making my to-do list and until those things are checked off during the day diverting from the plan feels like a derailment or distraction. But those in our lives are not distractions and so I especially have to be mindful of not treating them like they are. 

So what does it mean exactly to turn towards each other? They explained it as “making a bid”, in the article, 

“A bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids show up in simple ways, a smile or wink, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help.”

For us, it’s the intentional greeting in the morning (which is harder for me before I’m ready for the day), a hug or kiss before we leave for somewhere, sitting in the hot tub, asking the other to lunch, verbalizing appreciation, celebrating our work or daily wins, looking at each other when you’re having a conversation (instead of multi-tasking), problem solving together, going on a walk around the neighborhood and so much more. Another thing that has been helpful is to know how we feel most loved (the 5 love languages can be helpful) and make an effort to do that for each other. I’m not especially a touchy feely kind of person so stopping to give a hug is a big deal. 

I think that this study could probably be applied to healthy relationships with our kids too. They also want and need to know that we are present and pursuing them. Raising kids is full of the daily routines, running from place to place or activity to activity. We can get too hurried or distracted in our parenting (at least I can) and forget to slow down, look them in the eye, take interest in the things they love (which when it involves video games is really hard for me). Some things that have helped us to do this is taking them on a one on one outing, connecting around the dinner table each night, family nights on Friday and now that they are older, sending them funny memes or videos.  Our kids need us to move toward them just as much as our spouse does. 

When we are doing this daily, whether it’s with our spouse or kids, it sure makes it easier when really hard things or conflicts come up. We are able to move through those times more quickly often because we already have a full love tank so to speak instead of an empty one. 

Our goal for our marriage has always been to thrive and not just survive, this has definitely played a part in our thriving. 

Does this resonate or challenge you in a good way too? Is it easy for you to move toward others? 

If you want to read more about that study, the article can be found here.

I am a planner, a flexible planner, but a planner and goals setter none-the-less.

I have a theory about why so many don’t stick to their goals they set for the year that goes beyond the fact that as humans we have a hard time with consistency, sticking with things when it gets tough and we lack accountability. Those things have been talked about for a long time and we know it’s a real factor derailing humans for centuries.

I think that we (and especially me) can get to the end of January and feel like I’m already failing and then sometimes ditch our goals or just let our mindset about our progress slow or halt our plans. But why??? I think it’s because we don’t take into account the season we’re in, like the literal season, winter.

Winter brings literal darkness with less sunlight, shorter days, and depending on where you live it also brings cold, wet, weather. Our bodies need different things in winter. We need more rest, slower rhythms, more focus on nourishing our bodies and immunity and less noise. Just because it’s the beginning of a new calendar year doesn’t mean that we will have all the energy that we want to tackle all those goals we are setting. I am all about reflexion at the end of the year and setting goals for the year ahead. What if we did it more realistically and gradually though as we implement them. What if we set baby goals along the way that take into account the season we’re in so that we actually reached those big goals at the end of the year?

There’s also another season that we need to keep in mind as we journey through our year, grief. Not every season is one of energy and joy.

January’s have been hard for me for about 18 years now. On a cold winter day at the end of January I lost our first baby. When you walk through infertility and trying for so long to get pregnant, when it finally happens it is incredible. Unfortunately it turned tragic when I had to have an emergency surgery because the baby was growing in, and beginning to tear through, my fallopian tube. That was heartbreaking and the grief sits in my body, heart and mind still. On another cold January day a year later, my daughter was born after a long hospital stay, in a state we didn’t live in and she was 5 1/2 weeks early. She was a gift we prayed for but she too arrived in a rather traumatic way. Your body keeps the score. So for me January comes with its own challenges every year.

Grief requires grace. It doesn’t care that the calendar year just turned over and new years resolutions or goals abound.

Winter and grief are a season that have to be considered as you are setting goals. It doesn’t mean you give up on them or don’t have them, it just means you take them into consideration. Give yourself grace where it’s needed, take a nap when your body says to rest and you do the next right thing each day.

I think that if we did those things we would be so much closer to growing and thriving in healthy and sustainable ways.

What do you think about this theory? Have you seen this ring true in your own life?

The past two years has stolen that part of our lives.

I can count on two hands the events we’ve been able to host or the times people have come into our house for a meal.

Where we live, our communities have been very cautious about spreading covid and it’s worked. But it’s also come at the cost of in person interaction or group time. I’m not saying it hasn’t been worth it, just that it’s also taken a toll and we’ve had to give up things we love in the process.

I’m am beyond grateful for social media and technology for the ability to connect with others. I’ve used it for years in my business and love it. I’m also an introvert so the less I have to leave my house the happier I am a lot of times. Being able to meet on a screen actually has an element of comfort and safety for me. It also takes less energy than being in a room with a lot of people. I’ve gotten used to it and even prefer it at times. I got comfortable and used to the more isolated life. It hasn’t been all bad.

However, what I started to notice the past 6 months was that I’m tired emotionally. I’m drained, have decision fatigue, and wary of online interactions because they can be volatile and frustrating. I have pandemic fatigue. It’s taken a toll on my mental health to be sure. Then add on top of that parenting kids in a pandemic and it’s another element of hard.

Where am I going with all this?……..

This month I had the opportunity to travel to an event for the first time. I also have connected one on one with multiple friends for lunch or coffee.  I was reminded again how life giving it is to be in person with others. On line/zoom/Facetime is not a forever substitute for in person time with others. To sit across the table from someone and be able to hug them is the connection that I’ve needed and didn’t realize the toll it was taking to not have it.

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking “This is so obvious” and yes it is, but it’s easy to get into new patters and habits and just go through the motions to get from one day to the next. It’s easy when you’re feeling depressed to just continue to isolate.

It was a reminder to me that to really thrive, I need time with friends in real life. I like to think I’m fine without it, but that’s just not true. I need community to live fully and I’m sure you do too. God wired us this way.

My goal is to connect with at least 3 friends in real time each month. This takes work and intentionality but I’m committing to it.

Do you already do this? Do you need to reprioritize this in your life too?

Introvert or extrovert, the truth is that we need real, in person, authentic connections with people in our life to thrive. This isn’t new information for me for sure, but just because I know something doesn’t mean I live it out well (especially in stressful times). So here’s to a year of restoring some of those in person connections for me.

How are you doing making in person connections with others in your life? Is there anything you know you need this year to help you thrive?